YOU get ADHD and YOU get ADHD EVERYONE gets ADHD!
I'm dating myself with that Oprah reference, I know.
I talk a lot and I talk fast. I’ve been told that I say the things everyone else has the sense not to. People shake their heads at me a lot while chuckling. I interrupt myself to tell you the random thought that pops into my head while I’m telling you something completely unrelated. Or I might get distracted by a conversation happening on the other side of the room.
Last year someone told me all that was okay because I was an “ADHD squirrel” like her. It was said with love, but it shook me. I wasn’t prepared for the pathologization of something I had until then seen as a minor quirk in my make-up. Ever after in the same situation with the same people I’ve fought with my entire physical and emotional being to stay on track, no parentheticals, no sidebars. Let me tell you, it is haaaaard.
The first time I heard about adhd it was in reference to a boy in 2nd grade- it was always boys in those days. The boys who couldn’t sit still, chewed up all their pencils, and got held back on occasion.
In jr. high school I snorted some ground up ritalin that may or may not have actually been ritalin and ended up in the hospital. (From drugs.com: Ritalin is a central nervous system stimulant. Methylphenidate affects chemicals in the brain and nerves that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control. Ritalin is used to treat attention deficit disorder (ADD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and narcolepsy.)
In high school I was tested by 2 different specialists and determined to have ADD- no H. I assumed it was a scam by rich people to get their kids extra time on standardized tests and didn’t think about it again for a decade.
As an adult my psychiatrist suggested I read “Driven to Distraction.” Unfortunately I couldn’t take the hint.
And, in case you forgot, it was being called an ADHD squirrel in a zoom meeting that made me take it seriously. Because, what do experts know?
I don’t finish things, certainly not on time. I get sidetracked and live in rabbit holes. Big picture ideas have me rocking back and forth, minutia is where I am most comfortable. I’m shocked every time I follow through with something. I’m impulsive and on and on and on and on and see above.
All that said, lately, every time I turn around a woman in her mid-forties is getting an ADHD diagnosis. On one hand I’m stoked for them. I know what it’s like to live in that liminal space and it sucks. On the other though, some of them have organized, not at all chaotic households and never have things slip through the cracks. I wonder, am I bandwagoning the hot new disorder because my anxiety manifests in a way that is similar? Am I looking to make excuses (beyond self involvement) for the weird shit I say at the least appropriate times?
I have no idea. Stay tuned.
I heart every piece of you. I once off hand told B I had read some in depth article about ADHD and wondered if it might be something I had and he was like “uh. Yeah.” But I have yet to explore this further.